13 Things Horror Movies Taught Us
Things We've Learned From Horror Films....
1) Killing a monster or demon once never works. They always rise agin. Better to be safe. Do it twice; "double tap" monsters. Over kill is not a a bad thing.
2) If the person of authority says everything is OK, it isn't. Don't believe them. And stay far away from him/her. They'll be gruesomely dispatched very soon. You could be collateral damage.
3) Never take a shower or use the bathroom. It is bad boys & girls' favorite place. Something about eldritch hygiene or smells that remind them of home. Scientists are still debating.
4) If your house was built upon a cemetery, or used for satanic rituals, or was used in suicides or mass murderers, or was owned by people getting in touch with the 'other side', drop everything and head for the hills.
5) Never, ever read a leather bound book or solve a puzzle where demons are summoned or portals to another dimension are opened. This is especially true if you're doing it as a joke and someone says, "What's the worst that can happen?"
6) When the power goes off, and it will, don't go into the basement.
7) If your children speak in Latin or any other language which you don't know, or they shouldn't know, shoot them immediately. Remember Rule 1.
8) Never follow any advice from someone who suggests it would be better if the group splits up.
9) Strangers with chainsaws, combines, carving knives or large axes are not extras from a DIY reality show especially if the have a leather or hockey mask on.
10) If you find a town that looks deserted, there's a reason. Take the hint. LEAVE!!
11) If something bites you, lock yourself in a bank safe, make out you will and prepare to be transformed.
12) Don't muck around with restructuring DNA or home schooled brain surgery. It's not like a refrigerator experiment. The result is never warm & fuzzy.
13) If your mom suddenly begins to hiss, lick blood, have glowing eyes, or suddenly needs a shave, run
BONUS!
That incredibly beautiful woman with too much make-up and outlandishly sexy attire, she's not interested in friendship or a one night stand. She's a non-vegan, hungry for something tasty, you, or is desirous of your soul. She will suck it out of your body through your nostrils.
And remember, it's only a movie, only a movie, only a movie, only a movie...
